Reasons for Marriage:
Marriage is a social custom that has been playing a unifying role
between the cultures since antiquity. Marriage lays the foundation
for a family. Hence, selection of girls for marriage purpose must
be done cautiously and carefully. Acharya Vatsyayan dictates that
a girl obtained from the same caste, community or class with
religious ways proves helpful in attaining Dharma (religion),
Artha (wealth) and Kama (pleasures). Children begotten by such a
lady gain acceptance and respect in the society.
The woman also should have the following characteristics:
She should be possessed of beauty, and
amiability, with auspicious body marks.
She should have a liking for good qualifies
in other people, as also a liking for wealth.
She should take delight in sexual unions,
resulting from love, and should be of a firm mind, and of the
same class as the man with regard to sexual enjoyment.
She should always be anxious to acquire and
obtain experience and knowledge, be free from avarice, and
always have a liking for social gatherings, and for the arts.
The following are the ordinary qualities of
to be possessed of intelligence, good
disposition, and good manners
to be straightforward in behaviour, and to
to consider well the future before doing
to possess activity, to be of consistent
behaviour, and to have a knowledge of the proper times and
places for doing things
to speak always without meanness, loud
laughter, malignity, anger, avarice, dullness, or stupidity
to have a knowledge of the Kamasutra, and
to be skilled in all the arts connected with it.
The faults of women are to be known by the
absence of any of the above mentioned good qualities.
Consideration of Relation:
Even if you have found suitable girl to marry with, consideration
of her relations is very important. It is said that, friendship
lasts with people of equal standard. This logic also applies well
to the marriage because marriage is a life-long friendship. One
should therefore strive to select a girl from his similar status.
Even if he has got a girl from the high society, he should bring
her to his own home after marriage and should not agree to stay
with his in-laws in any case.
Coaxing of the girl:
Even after marriage, the groom cannot enjoy physical intimacy with
the bride without winning her confidence. This chapter describes
the ways to win the confidence of the newly wed bride.
Abidance to celibacy for three nights:
The bride and groom must follow celibacy for three days after the
marriage. During this period, they should sleep separately on the
floor, take plain food without salt or sour. Thereafter they
should take bath, adorn themselves with ornaments, watch games and
treat the guests.
Girl fit for coition:To decide this point, one should pay attention to three things. 1)
Age of the girl. 2) Development of her body and 3) Her monthly
periods. Exponents of Kamasutra advocate marriage of a twelve
years old girl with a twenty-five years old boy. They also say
that intercourse of a sixteen years old girl by twenty years old
boy produces a healthy baby. Those who have nothing to do with
education may marry well before attaining an age of twenty.
Experts advocate that a girl can be mated with immediately after
her first menses. If the body of a girl is healthy and sound,
there is no harm in intercourse at an age of twelve, experts say.
In the present modern age, population explosion has taken the
magnitude of the crisis. Hence, one should follow the guidelines
of his country's constitution regarding marriage. Similarly, if
one intends to have healthy children, he should not opt for young
girls for marriage. In India, the constitution fixes twenty-one
years for boys and eighteen years for girls as the marriage age.
Medical experts also agree at these ages. But in big cities,
people usually get married in advance age.
Gandharva Vivah (Love Marriage):
Marriages are made in heaven but there are innumerable hurdles in
their way on earth. First of all, it is the parents of the girl
who put the greatest hurdle. Despite knowing that it is virtually
impossible to get a cent percent groom, they continue to chase a
‘wild goose' for their daughter. In their efforts, such parents
miss scores of suitable boys who could be well-matched grooms for
their daughters. If the girl wishes, love marriage could be a good
way out for her. Similarly, there are lot of barriers in the
marriage of poor but deserving boy. A rich but dependent boy
likewise faces many hurdles in his marriage. In all these
situations, love marriage is the best option.
Love Marriage better than abduction:
Love marriage is the best option for those poor but deserving
people who are being denied of marriage. Such people don't need to
venture far and wide in search of a bride. They may find one in
their neighbourhood provided that they have a vision. Almost,
everywhere on earth, whether in big cities or in a small village,
there are girls who aspire someone in their vicinity. But the
parents of such girls have serious objection over the relation of
their daughters with someone they dislike. However, if the girl is
ready and the boy is sure of his capacity to feed his family, love
marriage is the best way out for them. There is literally no harm
if the girl herself selects a groom for her.
Buy Books of :
Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana in English : A complete translation from
the original Sanskrit by S. C. Upadhyaya.